I ran into a friend Sunday whom I haven't seen in a few months. She's also a single mom. We spent a while catching up, and she shared some things her church had missed during the period following her divorce. She has boys very much in need of a man in their lives. Their dad is an alcoholic and highly inconsistent. They can't count on him for anything. Twice my friend approached her church to ask for a man or men to be there for her sons. The first time her pastor told her they would find someone, but no one ever followed up. The second time she asked, one of her boys was really struggling emotionally and behaviorally. But this time her pastor answered how sorry he was, but no one was interested or had the time!
The two of us agreed that churches tend to respond poorly to the encouragement needs of their members who are single parents. In thinking about it, I've decided it's at least partly because our society has become so complacent about divorce. It's common anymore, laws have changed to make visitation and child support more enforceable and fair, and many families have found peaceable solutions to divorce and all that goes along with it. That makes it easy for people who've not experienced divorce to neglect the very real trial single parenthood still is for many parents.
We're in a difficult season right now, with all of us working through feelings of anger. We're getting better, but it is unbelievably hard to be the only parent carrying the emotional burdens for five people. I think my own greatest need since my ex-husband left is just for someone to encourage me. It's so easy to get caught up in day-to-day responsibilities and miss my own needs, to blame myself if something doesn't work out or if negative things happen, and to overlook the good things in our lives. And I don't realize I'm lacking until I'm very low. I need someone to point out the things I'm doing right, to hearten me to stay the course. Regularly.
Abba, You've provided for every other need we've had. I never understood how much I was lacking encouragement until I wrote this. I trust You to provide this, too. You are good, Lord!
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5 comments:
Hi!!
I've been having trouble getting to your blog. The only way I have access is through Gleaning the Harvest. Otherwise I'm blocked. :-( Just wanted to let you know....you might want to ck your blog access. Other people might be having trouble too.
I will be praying with you that God Almighty will send you someone wise, as well as safe and loving! In the mean time.....I am here for you!! I know the miles seperate us physically, but fortunately for us....God IS NOT limited!!
God has a plan and purpose for your life that HAS NOT CHANGED!! Our mistakes and shortcomings do not make Him change His mind about us...our purpose....our calling! He is good and His mercy endures FOREVER!!
Your friend,
Laura
Thanks so much, Laura, for the encouragement. You're absolutely right. God is not limited, and he can use whomever he chooses to lift me up. I appreciate your friendship and concern. And I'm still jealous of the snow :-)
I have no idea why you're blocked from my blog. I checked my settings and I don't have anything set to block anyone. Comments are set to registered users, which you are. Do you have any other ideas?
Just wanted to share a link with you - teaching that's helped our family...wish we had it way back when... :-)
http://www.biblepreaching.com/ scroll down to SM Davis...free audio files, really good stuff.
Shalom,
Kendra
Hello Mrs. C,
I read your story on the Gleaning the Harvest website, and just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your family. Wow, you have been through a lot and the testimony of God's faithfulness to you and your children is quite inspiring! He is ever faithful and certainly hears the prayers of those who cry out and trust in Him!
I would just encourage you to keep leaning on Him, as He knows EVERY need and cares for us. When has He let you down? I am sure the answer is NEVER. Being a single mother raising 4 children is rough on your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical strength I'm sure. But the blessing of weakest is that it helps magnify God's strength and His ability. He is the strong One, the merciful One, and blesses us with just the right amount of strength needed each day in order to make it through.
I most definitely cannot say that I'm a super spiritual, got-it-all-together Christian, but I can say that God does not lie. When He says He will never leave, He means HE WILL NEVER LEAVE! Those are huge and precious promises that we can bank and count on each and every day! How wonderfully kind and faithful is He!
I just want to encourage to stay the course. If you know your doing the Lord's will, how can you go wrong? Which of His servants regretted following Him? None. If faithful, they were blessed beyond measure! This is something I have to remind myself of, as I know life's circumstances have a way of making us doubt God's goodness and wisdom. But He's good and that's never going to change. Ever!
I wish you and your children all the best, and will pray that your faith is increased and that much endurance, patience and joy be bestowed upon you all. Many blessing in Jesus name! Please stay encouraged! :)
"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You."
-Isaiah 26:3
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."-2nd Corinthians 5:7
"Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you."-Jeremiah 29:12
"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."-Psalm 31:24
"But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one."-2nd Thess. 3:3
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, an dot sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night."
-Psalm 92:1-2
With Love,
Narobi
Hi there :) It is a big responsibility being a single parent. I know, I am one too. You are both cheerleader and disciplinarian. You get to say yes to some things, and no to others. You take the blame from your children always (even if they are the BEST kids on the planet, they will blame you sometimes).
The best encouragement I can give you is to keep plugging away, and trust in Yehovah. Sounds too simple, when written like that. It isn't. There are going to be days when you cry out to Yehovah like Job did. That is ok. He expects it.
He wants it actually, I believe. Because it is easy to go to him when things are going well. It is much harder when things are going badly. We have to swallow our pride and tell him what is on our heart. After becoming single parents I think that may be harder for us than for others.
We think, and the world expects us to just bit the bullet and take everything in stride, never being upset. But that isn't realistic.
Know that you are NEVER alone. You have Yehovah and you have us, your fellow single homeschooling moms to lean on. Feel free to email me ANY TIME you need to. I may not always have the answers, because I struggle just like you do, but sometimes just having someone on the same path, willing to share the struggles, makes a huge difference.
Be blessed!
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