Animal Adventures

Sounds like a title for a new show on Animal Planet, doesn't it? :-) No, it's just the best description of this week at our house.

We are a family that loves all kinds of animals. Through the years we have owned a variety of pets--cats, a dog, rabbits, several dozen mice (never trust a pet store clerk who tells you, "Oh yeah, we're pretty sure those two are both male."), a few fish. Currently we're down to just one cat, who is in big trouble with all of us today. And we're hosting a guest birdie. Indie is an injured mourning dove the kids are trying to nurse back to health after an encounter with a neighbor's cat. I'll tell her story first.

Monday, after helping our neighbor save her cat from the stomach upset of eating yet another bird, Mr. Monkey realized the unfortunate dove was still alive. He set her up in our tree to die in peace and asked me to come look. After watching her for a while, Little Miss Mom became convinced the dove could be saved. She, MM and 4 Eyes begged me to let them try to rescue her. We talked about the slim chance she has of making it--a broken left wing; missing bones; 3 bald, raw spots; lots of bleeding. After swearing to do whatever it takes to save her, I agreed to let them try. We did some research online, prepared a box for her to recuperate in, and cleaned her wounds. She has survived for over 2 days. If she dies now, it will be from infection, and we've done everything we can for her. The kids said at least they'll know she didn't suffer.

So after that drama 2 days ago, I woke up to my alarm this morning and wondered where Gray was. She usually very helpfully wakes me before my alarm. Two or three times. Starting two or three hours before I have to get up. She wants to make sure I don't forget to feed her before I leave for work. But not this morning. Strangely enough, I got a night of sleep uninterrupted by the cat. I figured she was stuck in another room. Nope. I realized she slipped out last night. And she didn't turn up on a quick look outside. I woke up MM and LMM. While I went to work they rounded the block looking for her, printed flyers and posted them around the neighborhood.

We all love this cat. She's about 8 years old, and she's really like one of our family. MM really grieved this morning because he knew chances of her returning weren't great. He was so depressed he decided not to go to the free movie with us. Dozer planned to stay home with him, but LMM and 4 Eyes wanted to forget for a while. As we were just about to walk out the door, guess who comes sauntering in as if she spends every night outside? This is a cat that gets scared by the sight of mice. On the rare occasion she makes it outside, she's frozen with fear of the big, bad world. She ate a very late breakfast and proceeded to take a nap like she had not just put us through gut-wrenching loss.

She got her nap, and we all made it to the free movie. The spoiled rotten little cat seems to be no worse for a night spent under the house, the guest dove is recuperating better than we expected, and the rest of us are exhausted. I cannot be held responsible for what happens to that cat if she wakes me before my alarm tomorrow. Just don't tell the kids it was me.

A Severe Mercy

I told the kids from the day after their dad left that we could not blame our own sins on anything he had done. I tried to communicate to them that we could not do anything to make his sins better, that it was just going to be a long, hard road of dealing with the consequences in our lives. At the same time, I recognized and I told them, living through the painful aftermath of someone else's sin could be a catalyst for us to repent of our own. I wanted to use the divorce as an opportunity to face my sins, to repent, to be healed from my failures, to model repentance for my kids and to seek healing for them from all of this, too. But the human heart can only take so much and God knows perfectly what we need. So we spent most of those first 2 years just dealing with the fallout of the divorce.

My blog title is the title of a book I read in college by Sheldon Vanauken. It's a beautiful but very sad love story. Mr. Vanauken talks about how God's mercy at times is severe because of our unwillingness to face sin. I am now in that difficult season of facing my sins in my marriage and in the time since. At times I am overwhelmed to the point of wondering if God has any mercy for me. I don't see how he can. But as I prayed this morning, he helped me to understand.

It's easy to look at what my ex-husband did and condemn him. But quite honestly, his sins were no worse than my own. God showed me that the only difference between us is that I am actively seeking the grace that flows from the cross to cover my sins. God's mercy for me is in making a way for me to receive forgiveness. WOW! His mercy is a priceless gift that I take for granted most of the time. He loves me so much, he is so merciful to me, that he extends forgiveness when I don't deserve it.

I understand today a little better why my ex-husband ran away. Facing sin and repenting of it is hot, dirty, ugly, emotionally draining and physically exhausting work. It is mercy, but it is severe at times. So severe that it can seem easier to run away from it all. But the fact that I can repent and receive forgiveness is the whole point of the cross. And so yes, even though I don't feel like God should have any mercy on me, he does.

Pray for me as I wrestle with this, and for my children as we walk through the consequences of my sins, as well as their father's.

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11